Let me tell you a story of how I didn’t get a job one time.
I was applying for a banking position at one of the nation’s larger bull shit banks. I was fresh out of college with a ledger full of debt and my pop’s was like ‘OK son, time to step out into the real world and make something of yourself! Or at least get busy servicing this debt!’
So, I set out to start servicing my debt the only way I knew how, besides drug dealing of course (jk/jk). My strategy was to treat corporate America like a cheap tinder date and swipe right on all them opportunititties until someone was desperate enough to say, ‘welcome aboard big boy’.
My resume was looking juicy enough to get hook several interviews, but the only one to invite me back for a second round of bullshiting before bending me over was this bank.
I smashed that second interview! Let them know my price for submission. Everything was going smoothly, but then they requested a third interview, but with a catch.
A casual catch… The corporate interviewer had a real corporate schedule, and figured it’d be a good idea to incorporate an interview while watching a football game with some other co-workers. Oh this is gonna be fun, I thought.
So this corporate dweeb drops me an address to a sports bar and tells me to meet him there for a third and final interview at 6pm. Says he’s gotta see how I interact with the team…
Let me backup a bit here so as to set the table; during this time I was living near Kansas City, KS and this job was for a position in KCMO. And I’m a Denver native. That’ll come into play in just a second.
So he gives me an address to a sports bar near the Power and Light District; downtown KCMO. It’s Monday night. He’s inviting me to a third interview to interact with the team and watch MNF, and it’s a Chiefs game.
Here’s where it gets interesting…
I’m not a Chiefs fan. Kinda dislike the Chiefs actually.
I’m a die hard Broncos fan!! But I’m also thinking to myself, ‘gee, I really need this job cuz I gotta service this debt. So let me play the part real quick just win over Kyle and Karen and secure this thing’.
So at this time I’m living with a GF and her cousin who is from the area. I ask the cousin if she has any Chiefs gear I might be able to borrow. Bad idea! Cursed idea!
She has a t-shirt (that’s not gonna work, I’m 6 sizes larger than her), and this old crinkled up hat in the back of the closet. The hat will fit! So I grabbed it.
But the damn thing definitely had creases. I justified it at the time because I thought it gave the hat a more retro look. I was wrong.
So I go to this job interview, dressed casually, rocking this old crinkled up Chief’s hat thinking that I got this thing secured in the bag.
That debt boutta get serviced, boy!
But there’s one problem; I’m still not a Chief’s fan. And they picked up on that pretty quickly. Given my knowledge of a divisional rival, I knew it had to be something else that gave it away! That damn wrinkled up hat! Apparently Chiefs fans like to steam their hats and iron their shirts? I don’t know, but they called me on my scheme pretty quick. They’re all like, ‘why are you even wearing a Chiefs hat if you’re a Broncos fan’?
Here’s where my integrity and crinkled hat sank the ship- When they asked why I was wearing the hat I figured it’d be a good opportunity to show my honesty. Wrong again. So I tell them that I dug the hat out of a friends closet and I’m wearing it to appease them. Because I’m willing to buy into company culture.
At this point the interviewer chimed in, ‘Listen, I appreciate your honesty but I don’t think this is going to work out. This whole thing is just dishonest and disrespectful to Chiefs fans. We want people who are secure in being themselves and have fresh gear to wear to the company watch party.’
I thanked him for his time and drank several beers on his corporate credit card before leaving without the job.
And as I was walking out, I couldn’t help but think to myself how a wrinkled hat had just blown my cover and cost me a job. Cost me an opportunity to service my debt. If only I would have had a Crushable Nylon hat from B Fresh Gear, I could have fulfilled my life long dream of becoming a banker!
And now that B Fresh has crushable hats that will retake their shape after you accidentally sit on them, I might try and ask for another interview.
